It's been a long, long time but I suppose that comes with the territory. I can't lie and say it's all been easy but it hasn't been awful either. While christmas always seems to be a sad time of year for me, I love the snowfall and harsh beauty it affords and the newness that follows with spring. I love it because even though it seems like a cold,white wasteland, I know that underneath, everything is changing. So I embrace winters kiss and its changes. Because I know Spring is coming.
I'm finding the same changes going on too. I'm growing up a little more, becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin and being bad. Not bad in a tawdry way but bad in the sense that I'm fully aware and connected with myself emotionally and physically and in that awareness I am completely uninhibited and shameless. I AM. It's a beautiful, scary thing when I woman is absolutely at peace with herself and everything else because you can see that twinkle in her eyes and the glow coming from her and it makes you want to be apart of it. At least I think so.
So it's not like, I'm suddenly one with the universe. I'm still growing and changing and shoving my inner Bad Girl in the corner so my Good Girl can take control. But really, my Good Girl was formed by other people's opinions on who I should be and how I should act. My Good Girl is a clever ruse to fool everyone around me. She's not real. And really, being a good girl means being a BORED girl. And frankly, I'm TIRED of being a bored Good Girl. So Bad Girl is coming out to play. Like I said, I'm still growing and changing but as long as I am content in the knowledge that I am beautiful, shameless, fierce, wild and passionate as a woman, then my Bad Girl has finally risen to the fore and I am alive. It's a good feeling. Hvae you let your Bad Girl out?
Seattle.
Yes, Seattle. My cousins are really really excited for me to move over, I've made new friends over there that are really amazing and wickedly fun and my uncle is even considering letting me rent his house for less than he is currently asking. I really hope this pans out because I ADORE that house. It's the kind of house my dear Red would love to take pictures of. It's an old three story on a parcel of land amidst the new condo's and apartments going up. But it's been another home for twenty years of my life and I want to keep it that way. It's basically three apartments in one, minus the fact that it only has one bathroom. It's pretty close to anything you want to see or do and it's in a quiet, safe neighbourhood. Its beautiful. Needs to have its paint job finished but that can be done anytime. And I dare say I'd have a grand time redecorating and remodeling.
So the countdown begins. December 25th, 2010 I will be in this house. Or at the very least, IN Seattle, starting a new life, a new chapter.
ALifeLustWinter.
xoxo,
K
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Single Apparently
So it's been an even longer while since my last post. It's been nothing but work and school and service. I have two jobs, school started in September so all my energy was spent on just getting to meetings and trying to find a few hours to spend with G.
Speaking of which, he made mention before that the whole responsibility issue of having not only just a girl friend but one with a child was a lot for him to deal with. That I needed to be patient with him because he's only 21 and he just gets scared sometimes. I understand that and I've tried not to pressure him or anything like that. I wanted him to be with me on his terms, you know?
Well, he's been very distant and strange lately. He would want me to go out with him but he'd act upset about it when we were together and everytime I asked was what wrong he'd say nothing. I finally gave up this morning and asked him what was going on and here coming the 'overwhelemed' spiel. I know, I know; it IS a lot of responsibility and he's still young. But the Monster is so attached to him and he KNEW the job description when he started dating me. I guess what I don't understand is how it took him almost 9 months to realize that maybe, just maybe he's not really ready. But who knows, maybe it finally got to him.
Either way, I'm glad he finally said something before we got engaged or anything. I mean, the Monster asks for him everyday, he gets so excited when we all go out and the two of them are great together. So it kinda just crushed me when he told me that there wasn't anything I could do to make this easier on him. That he just had to make up his mind if he was really ready to be a dad or not.
I told him to go figure it out and let me know because I can't put Monster through us continuing on despite his doubts only to let him get MORE attatched and have him bail later. It's not fair to Monster. I didn't tell him that it really,really hurt me that he wouldn't hold my hand for more than five minutes all weeked...and I didn't tell him that I've been crying all morning because even though I've been thinking about breaking up, I'd realized that I really wanted to make things work and then to be hit with him not being ready....just broke my heart. I'd finally kinda overcome my fear that had crept in over the last couple weeks only to find myself where I didn't want to be.
Heartbroken and Alone.
I know I'll get over it and I know there's other guys out there. But the scary thought is that they will all be the same; Not ready to be a dad.
What's a single mom to do?
Xoxo,
K
Speaking of which, he made mention before that the whole responsibility issue of having not only just a girl friend but one with a child was a lot for him to deal with. That I needed to be patient with him because he's only 21 and he just gets scared sometimes. I understand that and I've tried not to pressure him or anything like that. I wanted him to be with me on his terms, you know?
Well, he's been very distant and strange lately. He would want me to go out with him but he'd act upset about it when we were together and everytime I asked was what wrong he'd say nothing. I finally gave up this morning and asked him what was going on and here coming the 'overwhelemed' spiel. I know, I know; it IS a lot of responsibility and he's still young. But the Monster is so attached to him and he KNEW the job description when he started dating me. I guess what I don't understand is how it took him almost 9 months to realize that maybe, just maybe he's not really ready. But who knows, maybe it finally got to him.
Either way, I'm glad he finally said something before we got engaged or anything. I mean, the Monster asks for him everyday, he gets so excited when we all go out and the two of them are great together. So it kinda just crushed me when he told me that there wasn't anything I could do to make this easier on him. That he just had to make up his mind if he was really ready to be a dad or not.
I told him to go figure it out and let me know because I can't put Monster through us continuing on despite his doubts only to let him get MORE attatched and have him bail later. It's not fair to Monster. I didn't tell him that it really,really hurt me that he wouldn't hold my hand for more than five minutes all weeked...and I didn't tell him that I've been crying all morning because even though I've been thinking about breaking up, I'd realized that I really wanted to make things work and then to be hit with him not being ready....just broke my heart. I'd finally kinda overcome my fear that had crept in over the last couple weeks only to find myself where I didn't want to be.
Heartbroken and Alone.
I know I'll get over it and I know there's other guys out there. But the scary thought is that they will all be the same; Not ready to be a dad.
What's a single mom to do?
Xoxo,
K
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Long Time Coming
So it's been a while eh?
I've been so out of touch with so many things lately its not even funny. I've been working, working, working and spending alot of time with G. While I adore G and my spiffy paychecks, it seems like neither lasts very long. Not like THAT you pervs :P. I mean that I see G for a few hours and then its time for him to go home, sleep and wake up to go back to work. And when the weekened finally rolls around, I have to work or something comes up.
Since I got the job as a hostess at Bird Cuisine, its going to be even more of a crunch on our time together but I can really, REALLY use the cash. And experience. I know it will work out somehow, I just...well, quite honestly, I hate coming home and not being able to come home to Monster and G. It's a tad depressing, not matter how many times G picks a fight because he's cranky from work. :)
That is something I love about G though. He may start an argument over nothing but he KNOWS its nothing, he KNOWS he started it and he always apologizes for it. I'm just easiest to pick on :P. But you know what? I can deal with that because I can a be a witch right back to him and will still be togther when all is said and done because we both know we were just being brats :)
On another note I've decided to write another book. It's got pygmy monkeys, 'nough said.
School starts in a month and the second tuition payment is due a month after that. I've got,.. at the most 6 or 7 pay checks to save up for this and pay up bills. As its stands right now, my pay check coming next week had better be 170+ or I think I'm rather sunk. How quickly my money goes out to everyone but me!!! Sad day.
Went to the county fair today with Red, Bother, Moneybags and G and Monster. Ihad a lot of fun but I had one of my headaches and I think it made G think I was mad about something. Which I wasn't, I was just happy to be with him but my headaches are just KILLER. And they make me just a TAD cranky :P
Red is moving to Florida in like 4 weeks. I'm sad. I wont be able to just drive on over and have coffee with her and watch Pride and Prejuidice with her whenever I want. I can't call her up out of the blue for coffee and there most certainly won't be any errand running or shopping going on either. I'm so glad she's going on an adventure, I'm just going to miss her terrbibly!!!! But hey, is Flordia, I'll just have to go visit and lounge on a beach somewhere with her the whole time!!! It evens out I guess.
Welp there's my miserable little update for all who care to know. I just took some headache meds and they make me rather sleep so I bid you all a good night!!
XoXo,
K
I've been so out of touch with so many things lately its not even funny. I've been working, working, working and spending alot of time with G. While I adore G and my spiffy paychecks, it seems like neither lasts very long. Not like THAT you pervs :P. I mean that I see G for a few hours and then its time for him to go home, sleep and wake up to go back to work. And when the weekened finally rolls around, I have to work or something comes up.
Since I got the job as a hostess at Bird Cuisine, its going to be even more of a crunch on our time together but I can really, REALLY use the cash. And experience. I know it will work out somehow, I just...well, quite honestly, I hate coming home and not being able to come home to Monster and G. It's a tad depressing, not matter how many times G picks a fight because he's cranky from work. :)
That is something I love about G though. He may start an argument over nothing but he KNOWS its nothing, he KNOWS he started it and he always apologizes for it. I'm just easiest to pick on :P. But you know what? I can deal with that because I can a be a witch right back to him and will still be togther when all is said and done because we both know we were just being brats :)
On another note I've decided to write another book. It's got pygmy monkeys, 'nough said.
School starts in a month and the second tuition payment is due a month after that. I've got,.. at the most 6 or 7 pay checks to save up for this and pay up bills. As its stands right now, my pay check coming next week had better be 170+ or I think I'm rather sunk. How quickly my money goes out to everyone but me!!! Sad day.
Went to the county fair today with Red, Bother, Moneybags and G and Monster. Ihad a lot of fun but I had one of my headaches and I think it made G think I was mad about something. Which I wasn't, I was just happy to be with him but my headaches are just KILLER. And they make me just a TAD cranky :P
Red is moving to Florida in like 4 weeks. I'm sad. I wont be able to just drive on over and have coffee with her and watch Pride and Prejuidice with her whenever I want. I can't call her up out of the blue for coffee and there most certainly won't be any errand running or shopping going on either. I'm so glad she's going on an adventure, I'm just going to miss her terrbibly!!!! But hey, is Flordia, I'll just have to go visit and lounge on a beach somewhere with her the whole time!!! It evens out I guess.
Welp there's my miserable little update for all who care to know. I just took some headache meds and they make me rather sleep so I bid you all a good night!!
XoXo,
K
Monday, July 27, 2009
Weekends
BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!
Sooo we went to a bbq Saturday night. Mucho fun!! Except for nosy people but that's ok. Anyways, we ate and laughed and did flips that hurt like heck into the pool and then passed out on my amazing couch while watching SWAT.
Sunday we went to the boat races, walked for like a half hour IN the sun to find the Coke booth and then built a fire pit in Bother's backyard. We sacraficed a care bear as well, which was extremely entertaining. We have pictures too, which I'm totally excited to see. All in all a fabulous weekend I have to say.
I kind of feel like my life is catching up with me. Or maybe I'm falling behind. I don't know it's an awkward feeling but I don't mind, I like living in the chaos because theres always a beautiful surprise at the end.
Xoxo,
K
Sooo we went to a bbq Saturday night. Mucho fun!! Except for nosy people but that's ok. Anyways, we ate and laughed and did flips that hurt like heck into the pool and then passed out on my amazing couch while watching SWAT.
Sunday we went to the boat races, walked for like a half hour IN the sun to find the Coke booth and then built a fire pit in Bother's backyard. We sacraficed a care bear as well, which was extremely entertaining. We have pictures too, which I'm totally excited to see. All in all a fabulous weekend I have to say.
I kind of feel like my life is catching up with me. Or maybe I'm falling behind. I don't know it's an awkward feeling but I don't mind, I like living in the chaos because theres always a beautiful surprise at the end.
Xoxo,
K
Friday, July 24, 2009
Bills, Bills, Bills
Ah pay day! Considering I've been gone for nearly three weeks, I'ms urprised I made the 40-something bucks I did. Not much but the bills for this month are paid and my next set of bills aren't due till the 17 of August. Bad news is my tuition is due the 14th and I have $30. Only $180 left to go! Hahaha I'll make it, I'd only need to work 20 hours between now and August 7. I cant make that :) Plus I'm going to let Wickers know that I can use more hours because I know she can use the extra help. As it stands, I'm going to have to figure something out for one of my other bills.
VS=10
SF=37
CC=25
Ticket=25
Dr.=50
Jo=25
Hm. This could get interesting :P
Xoxo,
K
VS=10
SF=37
CC=25
Ticket=25
Dr.=50
Jo=25
Hm. This could get interesting :P
Xoxo,
K
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Shake the Glitter off Your Clothes
Life is good. Very good indeed.
I wasn't dangerously close to falling in love with G. I was already IN love with him. A fact that frightened me so much that I tried pushing him away. It almost worked but unfortunately for Spokane Girl, G is rather fond of me too :).
Hopefully today is the day that Mike calls me to say, 'Congrats Gypsy, you go the job!' That would be great news for such a dull Thursday. I have to work, possibly all day tomorrow, and Saturday BUT I have most of Saturay evening off and Wickers said she'd give me Sunday so I can go to the Boat Races with G!! Exciting!!!! I've never been and I'd like to see them for the heck of it. Though that does mean I'll be missing the Art in the Park show. But theres always next year, especially if I don't care much for the Boat Races.
-WE INTERUPT THIS BLOGCAST FOR A SPECIAL MOTHERHOOD MOMENT-
Ahem. The Monster beckoned. :)
On another note, I'm going to warped tour this year! I'm so excited because I've been dying to go for YEARS. Epic I tell you, pure aw3some sauce! AND I've just made a deal with G. Once we settle on Terms and Conditions, I'll let you know xD. He can't buy a 6-pack for two months starting in August. I'm a little doubtful of his ability on this to be honest. Not because he's a mega drinker or anything but because he JUST turned 21. Where's the fun in not legally buying your booze?! But it's all good, I just hope he makes it interesting! ;)
There isn't much going on in this catwalk lass's life but its a beautiful life nonetheless and for YOUR information my darling Red, we DID go look at engagment rings. :P Mostly because he was curious about my dislike of tradtional diamond rings. And I told him as much. They're traditional, expensive and well, EVERYONE'S got one!! Hahaha, I don't think he understood. Or cared. Hahah oh well!!
So to my lovely following (somethings wrong with Blogger or with my computer because I can't tell whose following Runway and it makes oh so slightly nervous) hope the scorching weather treats you well and that all your surprises today are pleasant!
XoXo,
K
I wasn't dangerously close to falling in love with G. I was already IN love with him. A fact that frightened me so much that I tried pushing him away. It almost worked but unfortunately for Spokane Girl, G is rather fond of me too :).
Hopefully today is the day that Mike calls me to say, 'Congrats Gypsy, you go the job!' That would be great news for such a dull Thursday. I have to work, possibly all day tomorrow, and Saturday BUT I have most of Saturay evening off and Wickers said she'd give me Sunday so I can go to the Boat Races with G!! Exciting!!!! I've never been and I'd like to see them for the heck of it. Though that does mean I'll be missing the Art in the Park show. But theres always next year, especially if I don't care much for the Boat Races.
-WE INTERUPT THIS BLOGCAST FOR A SPECIAL MOTHERHOOD MOMENT-
Ahem. The Monster beckoned. :)
On another note, I'm going to warped tour this year! I'm so excited because I've been dying to go for YEARS. Epic I tell you, pure aw3some sauce! AND I've just made a deal with G. Once we settle on Terms and Conditions, I'll let you know xD. He can't buy a 6-pack for two months starting in August. I'm a little doubtful of his ability on this to be honest. Not because he's a mega drinker or anything but because he JUST turned 21. Where's the fun in not legally buying your booze?! But it's all good, I just hope he makes it interesting! ;)
There isn't much going on in this catwalk lass's life but its a beautiful life nonetheless and for YOUR information my darling Red, we DID go look at engagment rings. :P Mostly because he was curious about my dislike of tradtional diamond rings. And I told him as much. They're traditional, expensive and well, EVERYONE'S got one!! Hahaha, I don't think he understood. Or cared. Hahah oh well!!
So to my lovely following (somethings wrong with Blogger or with my computer because I can't tell whose following Runway and it makes oh so slightly nervous) hope the scorching weather treats you well and that all your surprises today are pleasant!
XoXo,
K
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